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November 17, 2008
He IS working in my life...
I feel like I have grown a lot during these past few months, spiritually and in His love. My emotions have gotten the better of me over the past several months. I became very frustrated with a family situation and stated my peace and in the end, came out being the bad guy. I'm not sure why that happens, but it does and then to make things even worse, old wounds were reopened where my mother and mine relationship is concerned. Our relationship has always been somewhat tumultuous, but I'd say with confidence, that over the past 10 years it has been pretty stable. I love my mother and I look up to her despite the combat from growing up. I say combat because it was rough for both of us much of the time.
My mother is EXTREMELY emotional so much so that her emotions often get the better of her as well. She is not articulate when trying to express herself so for her it's yelling, screaming and making you feel like a piece of dirt by saying some really cruel things. I don't know what this produces other than hurt feelings and then guilt on her part, but it's the way she is, always has been.
We've had some dewsies over the years, but after I had my oldest daughter and got out on my own and went to college and began a life for myself, things seemed to settle down for us. I have never missed a holiday at my Mom's with the exception of one Christmas & Thanksgiving when I lived in FL. Otherwise, I have always gone to her home, with my family, for the holidays. I take her shopping or at least invite her most of the time when I go, I've taken her on several big vacations with me, one being the BIGGEST of either of our lives. I mean, I've tried very hard to be good to her, I've let the past go, I don't drudge it up, but rather move on, but...when she has the chance to hurt me again, she will and that hurts, a LOT.
At any rate I felt it best this last time to just distance myself from her and see where things went and I prayed, a LOT! My Mom is not saved, has NO relationship with God and shows no interest. None of my family does except for my own children and I pray all the time they will continue this the rest of their lives!
But, God has heard me, he's seen me struggling with all these hurt feelings, guilt and anger and He's allowed for some healing and that I am SO grateful for!
~: For in him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, "For we are also HIS offspring." :~
acts 17:28
Posted by tracey at November 17, 2008 08:27 AM