March 12, 2008

An excerpt from my youth

So, a certain family has weighed on my mind for the past day or so and has made me think about my days of youth when I was young, foolish and so easily attracted to handsome young men...

I believe I was about 17, probably 18 and I hung out with this girl I'll call, Mindy. Mindy and I worked the evening shift together as nursing assistants in a local nursing home. She was about a year or so older than me and often, after work on Fridays and Saturdays, we would go out to a local bar in Canada where the drinking age was and still is 18. It's kind of sad to say now, but that was BIG time fun in those days.

Mindy was dating this guy at the time, a guy that was handsome and as I recall he also drove a really nice truck. I think his parents had a little money and it showed because Mindy and I didn't come from wealth by any stretch of the imagination. We both came from hard working lower middle class families so being in the company of someone handsome and with a bit of a cash flow was always a nice sort of interesting thing for us, appealing I guess you could say, but not in a bad way.

Mindy's guy, Mitch, had a younger brother, just as devilishly handsome and a bit more mysterious and "bad," but in a really sexy way.

We somehow all ended up together one night and try as I may, I cannot recall the circumstances that brought the four of us together that night, but as fate would have it we did and now, some 20 years later, it has been on my mind as of late and I think it's because of this young man, the one I shared a few fleeting passionate moments with, died several years ago and I've thought of him lately and am not sure why.

I'll call him Paul. Paul was handsome. He was quiet and it wouldn't be until much later years that I would learn of his many personal demons, demons that more than likely, followed him to his early grave.

I had known Paul only in passing, basically through Mindy because she briefly dated his older brother Mitch as I mentioned earlier.

I'm pretty sure this particular night I'm recalling, we had been out partying and in those days that meant a night out at the bar across the infamous Canadian boarder. Mindy was with Mitch and I was tagging along, a third wheel which I often found myself as and that night Paul had been along too.

Later that cool summer night the four of us ventured back across that boarder and found ourselves "breaking" into a big old house that strattled the "line" between Canada and the US. A house empty and creepy that sat in a hollow surrounded by tall pine tress. A house both these brothers knew well I'd imagined, from their younger more adolescent mischievous days. They took us in through a back door, Mindy and I giddish from too much alcohol and finding it extremely exciting to be with these two handsome devils in the dead of night in a house we didn't know and couldn't see much of because we couldn't turn any lights on or maybe there was no electricity I can't remember exactly, but I do remember they kept telling us to be quiet and I got the feeling we hadn't been the first girls to sneak into this old place with them, but these young men had only one thing on their minds and that made me feel even more attractive that this "older" mysterious very handsome rebel with curly dirty blonde hair and baby blue eyes was finding me attractive enough to want to take me to bed with him that night.

I was very self conscience of myself in those days, hell these days, but back at 18 I have to admit for a bigger girl I was much smaller than I am now, my hair was very long and dark I had often been told I had those dark "bedroom eyes." That, apparantly, most men just found drop dead gorgeous and maybe it was all the alcohol he had consumed as well, but so did Paul. And I also, strangely enough, remember the outfit I wore that night, vividly as a matter of fact. It was something I had bought that I normally wouldn't have worn, but I was feeling pretty good about my smaller figure at that time and it was a white one piece cotton knit outfit that had blue stripes on the v neck and wide waistline and capri fitting legs. It zipped from the waist up and was comfy.

Once inside the main part of the house Paul quickly found a bedroom, lost Mitch and Mindy and before I knew it was undressing me, kissing my mouth, my neck, lifting my long thick dark hair from my shoulders and up into his hands and falling onto a small bed with me in his arms.

He feverishly pulled off his shirt and pressed his strong chest against me, his breath smelled strong of alcohol and stale cigarette smoke, but his lips were warm and inviting and pulsated against my flesh. He was gentle and exciting to me and never made me feel unattractive. But, when it was all over with he said it was time to leave and we had to be quiet again as we found our way back out of that big old house and into the night. I never saw him again, not until many many years later, the night before my wedding day.

(to be continued...)

Posted by tracey at 06:20 PM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2007

Back in the day...

when I was single and without children, young and full of energy and not half bad to look at I use to enjoy taking joy rides, looking for something to do, but basically just to talk with my great friend Valerie, smoke cigarettes and discuss life!

Those were the days my friend and I often think back to that time, especially during the spring of the year when so many things are coming back to life. Trees and flowers in bloom, the sun shining bright and the air cool and crisp on these April mornings.

It's not that I don't feel lively or free now, but I guess just not as much as I did then.

I'd call her up after a long day on my feet at work, ask her if she wanted to go riding around, "Sure," she'd say. So I'd run home, jump in the shower, throw on some comfy outfit, shorts and a baggy t-shirt, a little make up, grab my smokes and then I would pick her up and off we'd go! For miles we would drive around the town, back dirt roads and over a lot of the county, of course gas then didn't cost any where near what it does now, but we never gave it a thought actually, maybe we should have, but we didn't. We just had fun, enjoyed the afternoon to discuss everything we possible could think of, life, love and our own pursuit for happiness.

Our talks would also include whoever the latest guy was in our lives, what they weren't or were doing to drive us crazy mad or romantically stupid, how hectic work was, friends and aquaintences and always a few secrets! That was the fun part because we valued our friendship so much and could trust each other with everything, actually, still do.

Often times as evening crept upon us we'd stop somewhere to grab a bite to eat and then head on home.

I feel these memorable times of my life come back to me because of the fact that my own daughter, soon to be 15, will be enjoying these kinds of freedom in her life. Soon she will have a license, a job, graduate from high school and have a best friend to hang with and I hope her memories are as fond as mine! (minus the cigarettes of course!)

Posted by tracey at 04:19 PM | Comments (1)